April 10, 2006

So it turned out that after my superior went to the trouble of going through all the official channels, the men were denied approval to use the materials in their cells. We had a bit of a discussion about this- and it became very clear that I should not be involved any more and if they can figure out how to get the materials than that would be the solution- B especially was making sounds to that effect- like he’d definitely be able to do this—of course. I told them I was very frustrated but that ultimately, they must have some work that they can show for the May 5^th exhibition. They all agreed completely- but then Sal said that he was going to have to cut out some visits in order to finish. I asked him what that meant- and he said that he was going to have to not have his wife come out to see him because it really messed his head up for days whenever he did that. A murmer of agreement came out of the whole group practically- and I asked them what that was all about and they said, it just is really draining when someone comes to visit because your head gets all twisted up. I noticed afew months ago that Ned looked completely depressed and confused and I wondered if it had to do with that—they were talking about it on a very different level than I could really understand, but then I was concerned if they were making changes like that- not having a visit with an outside family member in order to try to finish this piece for the exhibit? I felt like I had gotten in the way- and I made that point that I was concerned and uncertain if that is a good idea or not – but at least Sal was more than willing to forego a visit. He said he was lucky that he has them on a regular basis.

I brought in a book that I asked my Mom to send me from this crazy scientologist who taught a really brilliant drawing class. He really figured out a way for the lay person to learn to draw in the Renaissance style. I brought in this book for them to keep- because I’m never going to look at it again. Bush forgot to give me the library book I lent him- back, which worries me- because he really can’t have a library book of mine- but he really wanted to look at it and I also wanted him to- Brian gave me other library book, the one on African art that I lent him- but one disturbing thing I noticed on the train back home was that a page had been carefully torn out from the seem. I was also annoyed with him the entire class because he was drawing his own work- and the one in-class drawing that we did of negative space, he was the one who didn’t try to do it – while everyone else really nailed it. I have been getting irritated lately with B- because he just is so beligerant that way- and now that he tore the page out of the book- I’m assuming he did- I really see another level of disrespect to me that is really shitty- because I’m coming in to give them something and he wants to attack me? I thought its all about being against the authority figures- but perhaps since I’m on the outside its easy to lump me in with t he rest of the other team.

Then James pulled out his bible where in the front cover he had put two Polaroids of his- he said that he just saw his grandkids. I said, “you’re a grandfather?” And he laughed and showed them to me and it was such a strange and sad photograph. He was wearing a different colored shirt- which is very rare- it was white- and a pretty young lady was standing next to him with two little kids. I guess the prison gives them the polaroids? Man, he has been in jail almost the entire life of his daughter- who stands there with her children.

I then showed the work of my friend Michael Queenland who had given me a catalogue that was made for an exhibition he did in Maine- and they started off looking confused because it seems photography as an art form- and found object sculptures don’t seem that much like art to them- or Bush made the point that he really is into classical art.

The conversation around Michael’s work was really interesting. They were laughing at his self-portrait balloon- Bush said, “is this guy also a comedian?” – and I pointed out the many things about this picture that were so funny to me- that there was the camera in the picture and the balloon on the one hand looks like a person and it’s a black balloon with white eyes and a mouth that are the light hitting it from the flash and a piece of tape. They were intrigued but it really wasn’t their “bag.” Sal said that it looked like one of those time capsules you would send to aliens to show them about life on earth in non-human terms.

I was then beginning to discuss what the master plan of the class would be- because I have been trying to figure out what I can deal with as my own commitment- and James suggested that I take the summer off- then I asked the question, “will you all definitely be here when I get back, if I do?” and there was a lull- and everyone got very depressed looks on their faces and they each said yes… Brian said that he would definitely be here. They said that one Santoro might get transferred to a medium security prison which would mean he’s not coming back.